I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
