He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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