Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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