if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
