Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
