I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
