in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
