a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
