We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
