u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
