I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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