Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
