these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
