The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
