On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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