It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
