I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
