Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
