Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
