found the other keg... it's in the tree
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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