I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
