What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i out mim tonsoeep
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