Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
