You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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