I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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