I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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