Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
