I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
