The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
