What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
