Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
