Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
