Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
