Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
