What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Shame - the story of my life.
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