I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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