hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
