No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
