i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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