It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
