Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
