a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
