Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
