i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
high people should be assigned attendants
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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