Can i not drive my cunt home
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
