I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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