She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
