He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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