R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
