Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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