sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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