Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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